Caulfield and His Magical Violin

by Teddy Beauregard

Artwork by Alex Cerebella

“A Woman’s Body is like a Violin,

and it takes a Terrific Musician to Play it Right.”


What a perfect load of Bullshit.


Proposal #1: All men are musically incompetent.


Proposal #2: Any man who says that he is not, is more so.


A Woman is like a Violin

in the same way

That a man is humble.


That is to say that she is not.


A Violin is an object. No? Yes.


Not All Men! Now Don’t you dare.


Addendum #1: A Violin cannot play Itself

Better than the musician could.


A Violin is not a Woman, yes? No.


I’ll learn to play the Violin

And then I’ll have a Time.


Bad little white boy.


“I figured if she was a prostitute and all,

I could get in some practice on her,

In case I ever got married or anything.”


Fuck you, good sir.


“If you want to know the truth,

I’m a virgin. I really am.”


You don’t say?

I’d have never guessed.



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