Caulfield and His Magical Violin

by Teddy Beauregard

Artwork by Alex Cerebella

“A Woman’s Body is like a Violin,

and it takes a Terrific Musician to Play it Right.”

 

What a perfect load of Bullshit.

 

Proposal #1: All men are musically incompetent.

 

Proposal #2: Any man who says that he is not, is more so.

 

A Woman is like a Violin

in the same way

That a man is humble.

 

That is to say that she is not.

 

A Violin is an object. No? Yes.

 

Not All Men! Now Don’t you dare.

 

Addendum #1: A Violin cannot play Itself

Better than the musician could.

 

A Violin is not a Woman, yes? No.

 

I’ll learn to play the Violin

And then I’ll have a Time.

 

Bad little white boy.

 

“I figured if she was a prostitute and all,

I could get in some practice on her,

In case I ever got married or anything.”

 

Fuck you, good sir.

 

“If you want to know the truth,

I’m a virgin. I really am.”

 

You don’t say?

I’d have never guessed.

 

Cocker.

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