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Asleep on a Train

by Teddy Beauregard

Artwork by Alexa Gaffaney


Okay okay okay okay, here we go here we go here we go and

JUMP

Dammit all to hell, these jeans hurt my dick

Oh wait

Where am I?

Jupiter. Of course.

Dammit all to hell, these space suit pants hurt my dick

Falling falling falling into

Wait

What?

Dammit Pocahontas

ISULDURRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Destroy it!

NO

Destroy it!

NO

Do it!

NOOOO

I’ll take it!

NO

I’ll do it!

NO

I’ll take it!

NOOO IT’S MINE YOU WANKER

Give me the ring, you bitch!

HELLS NAH

Never have I been so

Hold up

Back it up

Take it back now y’all

FUCK my dick hurts in these

PAAAAAAANTS?

Oh yes, everything is

Black or white and maybe purple if you’re into that.

I am most definitely into

Something? Nothing?

What gets you

Thinkin bout

Piña Coladas and all that shit

I swear by my pretty floral

Jackass Martin Luther

That I will end

The Third Reich if it makes you happy

Okay okay okay Erzsebet

You win this round

Because technically the body count

Is like

Thirteen

To six hundred and fifty-three

If we’re counting

Though you must say

That the canonical five

Were particularly arousing

For folks like you and me

DAMMIT JIM I’M A DOCTOR NOT A

GOD

DAMN

ARMS

RACE

Wait.

Something is happening.

Dresses hitting floors

And boxers following suit

As backs hit walls

And people hit people

And the sky screams out in

Ecstatic agony

Like you and me and him and her

And every poor soul

Misfortunate enough to suffer

Small death and then

Be forced to forget it all

And stare hollow across the dinner table

At the one you thought you wanted

But isn’t him isn’t her

And never could be

SHRACK – Shit.

Not now. It was just getting good.

Don’t do this now!

NEXT STOP, GRAND CENTRAL STATION.

Well fuck you too.

Published inPoetryChapel Hill

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