Philophobia

Colleen Buchanan

Artwork by Lilly McGinty

Heart races
Skips two beats
Then three
And there he is standing in front of you
And you can’t breathe
Maybe he can’t either,
But what does that matter?

Waiting is the game you play
Back and forth,
You know you can never win
He’ll wait two days
You’ll wait two minutes
Maybe he’s busy,
But what does that matter?

Tests
Quizzes
Papers
It’s a shitty week and he can’t talk
And then he can’t make it,
Maybe tomorrow,
But what does that matter?

Relax
Breathe
Don’t let your heart race all day
How can you be so unsure?
Be confident.
Maybe he feels the same,
But what does that matter?

Numbers
One thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine
Take your medicine.
Does it help?
Will it change the way you feel?
Maybe your heart would stop racing,
But what does that matter?

He asks
You share
He’s interested
He wants to understand
But how do you explain this feeling
Maybe he could accept you,
But what does that matter?

Falling
Trusting
But can you
You don’t ask
Maybe he’s falling too,
But what does that matter?

You’re grasping
He’s steady
You’re trying
Is he?
Honesty isn’t the best policy
Maybe he wants this too,
But what does that matter?

Confidence
Poise
With him–but at home
Insecure
Worrying
Maybe he is too,
But what does that matter?

You like him
He likes you
Life gets in the way
Sitting and waiting for a call
Life stops him
Maybe he misses you,
But what does that matter?

Don’t push
Don’t shy
Don’t pull away
Don’t give too much
Don’t screw this up
Maybe he’s scared too,
But what does that matter?

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